Virginia Hates Again

Few things make me prouder to be a Virginian than Bob McDonnel's Henchman Numero Uno Ken Cuccinelli.  In fact, Kenny makes me so proud to be a Virginian, that I have decided to write him a love letter on this blog. 




 

Dear Ken,

In the past months, since your appointment as Virginia Attorney General, I have come to admire you for many reasons.  Remember that time you asked state universities to remove "sexual orientation" from their anti-discrimination policies?  That was classy.  Or how about that time you threatened freedom of scientific inquiry by creepin where no state Attorney General has creeped before?  One of my favorites.  And, of course, let's not forget that time you embarrassed Virginia on a national level by challenging the legality of healthcare reform only five minutes after it was signed into law.  *True Love*

But yesterday, my feelings for you grew from those mere adoration from afar, a liking akin to a Nick Carter school-girl crush, to those accompanying a full-on obsession.  Yesterday, the trusted WaPo informed me that you have led the way in establishing Virginia as one of only TWO states nationwide NOT so deeply offended by the actions of Westboro Baptist Church psycho Fred Phelps and cronies as to side with the victims of his hate-speech in the coming Supreme Court case.  Yes, good for you.  Let's reminisce by revising the official statement from your office:

"We do not think that regulation of speech through vague common-law torts, like intentional infliction of emotional distress, strikes the proper balance between free speech and avoiding the unconscionable disruption of funerals."

Bravo, sir.  Bravo.  Because after all, a regulation of speech via "vague" identifiers such as the intentional infliction of emotional distress would make, in my eyes, literally everything you say illegal.  Because I've gotta be honest...I find myself emotionally distressed every single time I see your mousey self on my computer screen and read your hateful statements.  

Listen.  I'm not a lawyer, but I do understand the threat to free speech that such a decision could possibly inflict.  But I don't think I can forgive you for this one, Kenny, until you do something to counter the constant hate spewing from the mouths of these Kansas freaks.  Because as far as I can tell, you and Freddy Phelps seem to have a little more in common than your thoughts on the extents to which free speech applies.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go photoshop your picture with a Teen Beat logo and post it on my bedroom wall.  From now on, you will always be one of my top hubby picks for MASH on the field-trip school bus.  Right next to Leo DiCaprio and my seventh-grade boyfriend.

Love,

Del